Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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