i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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