I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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