mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
