either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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