found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
