member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
