When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
