youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
