Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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