i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
