just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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