This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
