im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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