Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
