So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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