the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
