I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
