Just cropdusted the office
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
