I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
