i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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