he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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