i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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