this beer tastes like vomit already
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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