We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
