I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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