Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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