mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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