At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
