shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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