Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
