Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
