Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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