This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
