I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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