I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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