he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
