She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
