All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
