He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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