The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
