bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
