dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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