That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
