Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
