I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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