I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
