I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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