I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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