I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
