do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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