so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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