I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
