Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
