Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
