Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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