Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
