last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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