The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
