those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
