Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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